The Jindas are back! The Jindas are Endor’s band of traveling performers, and after their first appearance I had a few choice things to say about how the show presented the life of an artist as, ultimately, a wasteful one, leaving Saturday morning viewers with important lessons about obeying authority and prioritizing work over art. This episode… things get worse.

But first, some insight into Endor’s economy. A non-Ewok merchant, Mooth, owns a general store where the Ewoks take surplus goods to trade. It seems as if they have a barter system that’s in the midst of transitioning to currency-based, as Wicket has something called “monmon seeds” that have a value purely in their trading power rather than in any intrinsic use. (They might as well have just called them “money seeds”.) So don’t worry, American children, the primitive Ewoks will enjoy the fruits of capitalism soon. Be patient!

On the way to Mooth’s store, the Ewoks met the Jindas, who were lazing by a waterfall and invited the Ewoks to join them. The Ewoks told them they might, but only on the way back, reinforcing the artists’ reputation as lazy loafers and repeating the lesson from their previous episode that work comes first, then fun, if there’s time. (Okay, fine, it was probably more important for the Ewoks to gather supplies for the coming winter than to go to the beach. My point still stands.)

On the way back from Mooth’s, the Ewoks get captured by a tribe of plot-points, who imprison them for no apparent reason besides moving the story along. The Jindas show up and rescue our heroes, risking their own lives in the process. At this point, you might be thinking the show doesn’t have such a bad opinion of artists after all.

But then, we learn the tragic origins of the Jindas, and the nature of the curse that plagues them. They used to live happily as feudal vassals (my words, not theirs, but the description is accurate) to a Rock Wizard. They weren’t artists at all – they were farmers, working the Rock Wizard’s land and giving him a portion of their yields in return. One day the Rock Wizard suffered a great pain and blamed the Jindas, so he drove them from the land and cursed them – whenever they stayed in place for too long, giant rocks would chase them until they got on the move again.

The Jindas became great artists not because they wanted to, but because it was the only way they could find to support themselves under this curse of itinerancy. The day is saved by the Ewoks’ burgeoning economic system – the pretty stone that Wicket bought with his monmon seeds turns out to be the Rock Wizard’s lost tooth. With his pain gone, the Wizard frees the Jindas from his curse. They are free to return to their previous lives as serfs, working his land in return for his protection.

And the Jindas all cheer. The end.

The moral, children, is that nobody wants to be a full-time artist. All good-hearted people would naturally do something more productive, if they had a choice. Art’s a hobby. Growing food for your vassal lords, that’s a life.

It is, to say the least, an odd subtext for a cartoon created by, presumably, artists, but that’s corporate entertainment for you. Now get back to work! Those monmon seeds aren’t going to polish themselves!

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Sometimes thinking too hard about a Saturday morning cartoon’s plot logic can take all the fun out of it.

“The New King,” the sixth episode of Droids, is non-stop action and has some good gags. Nelvana’s animation is as imaginative as ever. There’s plenty of 3P0 and R2’s signature bickering before they work together to save the day. In fine Star Wars tradition, there are characters with silly names like Putch Gundarian and Gir Kybo Ren-Cha alongside one whose name is Jessica Meade. There’s even yet another guest appearance by a character from the movies, IG-88, the bounty hunting droid. What’s not to love?

But I’m not just watching this show; I’m watching it while knowing I’m going to have to write about it. And that means I have to think about it. Possibly overthink about it. And I can’t stop seeing the darker implications amidst the fun.

For example, the action takes place on the planet Tammuz-un, where Vizier Ko Zatec-Cha is plotting to steal the throne from the rightful heir, Mon Julpa. Which he will do by placing the royal scepter on top of a palace tower at sunrise on the day of the equinox – by law, whoever does this becomes king.

Does this… seem like a good way to provide continuity of government? By the end of the episode, all of the good guys and bad guys are fighting right in front of where the scepter needs to be placed, tossing the symbol of power back and forth between them, until Mon Julpa, almost by pure chance, has it in hand at the right moment. Anyone could have become king. One of the Vizier’s cronies. R2. Jessica Meade.

In the end, Mon Julpa becomes king because he and his supporters beat the Vizier and his supporters in a physical contest. They’re stronger and faster, not necessarily smarter. (In fact, this episode has quite a few instances of the main characters acting stupid so that the plot doesn’t resolve too quickly, making it hard to argue that they’re smarter than the bad guys.) It’s presented as a happy ending, but is it?

As far as we know, isn’t that essentially the same as how Emperor Palpatine ruled, by right of might? (What’s that you say? Political maneuverings in the Galactic Senate? What are you talking about? Prequels? What prequels? It’s 1985!) And Darth Vader overthrows him – or throws him over, if we’re being literal – paving the way for a new government, simply by being stronger. Mon Julpa seems like a good guy, but is his rule any more legitimate than Palpatine’s?

Okay, fine, I’m overthinking it. Jessica Meade! Hah! That’s just a normal woman’s name!

Previous: Ewoks S1E6 – “The Tree of Light” (1985)
Next: Ewoks S1E7 – “The Curse of the Jindas” (1985)

I confess, at only six episodes in, I’m running out of meaningful things to say about the Ewoks cartoon. They keep adding new characters – at least, I think they do. I can’t tell all these hooded teddy bears apart. (Have we met Paploo before? Are we supposed to know who he is? Was his rivalry with Weechee previously established? Thank the Force for Wookieepedia.)

They also keep adding to the lore. Ewoks have a lot more responsibilities than Return of the Jedi led us to believe. In this episode we learn about the Tree of Light, which keeps the weather nice but more importantly keeps the evil Night Spirit from ruling the daytime. Once a year the tree starts to die and a group of Ewok men have to make the dangerous journey to the tree to sprinkle it with Life Dust to renew it.

Wicket wants to go on the quest, but he can’t because he’s too young. Kneesaa wants to go too, but she can’t because she’s a girl. So of course they sneak out of the village and follow anyway, inevitably saving the day, and the tree, from the evil Duloks. The episode’s message seems to be that they should have been allowed to go all along, and in Kneesaa’s case, yes, absolutely, let’s bring gender equality to Endor. I feel like Wicket’s on shakier ground – I don’t know that “children shouldn’t be allowed to go on life-threatening adventures” is a particularly unreasonable law.

I don’t intend for these posts to be just reviews, but sometimes there’s not much else to say about an episode but “it was good” or “it was bad.” It’s an 80s kids cartoon, not every episode’s going to shed light on the insidious dangers of capitalistic indoctrination, you know? So “The Tree of Light” is a decent episode, about as good as Ewoks gets (so far). There’s a quest – that’s always fun. There’s some great animation and inspired ideas – a vast chasm that can only be crossed by piloting floating trees as if they’re ships. And there’s a nice moral lesson – girls can do whatever boys can! And kids can do important things too (to spin Wicket’s contribution a little more positively)! Can you ask for more than that?

Yes. You can ask for way more than that. But this is the Ewoks cartoon, and you’re not going to get it. Let’s get back to Droids!

Previous: Droids S1E5 – “The Lost Prince” (1985)
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“The Lost Prince,” the fifth episode of the Droids cartoon, tackles questions about droid rights in the Star Wars universe, and the answers are exactly what you hope they aren’t.

We left C-3P0 and R2-D2 floating in space, but since then they’ve landed on yet another desert planet that isn’t Tatooine. Star Wars LOVES desert planets that look like but aren’t Tatooine. This one even has a guest appearance from Jabba the Hutt’s band! But nope, it stubbornly refuses to be Tatooine.

Anyway, the droids are in search of a new master, and have been sent by an agency to a diner. Yes, an agency – that’s the only description we get, but it feels very much like a temp agency. They screw up their new food industry jobs in comical ways, of course, and are fired by the diner’s owner. The whole first act of this episode treats droids as employees of their masters, rather than possessions. It’s a good kid-friendly way of handling the thorny ethical issues about seemingly sentient beings being owned that the movies tend to gloss over. Well done, Droids!

Until act two. 3P0 is distraught, saying they can’t function without a master. The implications of this are not explored, but they’re worrying. Does he mean they legally can’t function? Does galactic law require droids to be owned? Or does he mean it literally? Is there something in droids’ programming that will shut them down if they go too long without an owner?

It gets worse. Out of options, the droids put themselves up for auction. On an elevated auction block, with a crowd of people gathered around making bids. The money paid for our title characters, though, doesn’t go to them, it goes to the auctioneer. And they have no say in who they’re sold to; they have no choice but to go with the highest bidder.

I’m trying not to take this essay about a kids’ cartoon to too horrible a place, but you can connect the dots for yourself. These dots are not very far apart. This is perhaps not imagery that should have been served up to kids on a Saturday morning, especially when, while we’re supposed to care for the droids’ plight, the circumstances themselves are not presented as in any way morally wrong.

It’s funny, that the droids can’t find a good master. Uh-oh, they were almost sold to a silly-looking abusive alien! Isn’t that hilarious?

It gets worse. Again.

Let’s assume that these droids we love so much aren’t people. They’re not sentient. Forget that they have emotions, they feel pain, they interact with each other even when non-droids aren’t around. These are nothing but extremely sophisticated versions of ChatGPT encased in robot bodies. Fine. If that’s true, then the auction here is no worse than selling paintings at Sotheby’s. I don’t buy that, but let’s go with it, just for a moment.

This episode introduces a new kind of being to the Star Wars universe – an android. We don’t get a clear definition of what an android is, exactly, but there are a whole lot of context clues. Androids and droids are definitely NOT the same thing. Droids are entirely mechanical. Androids are living beings with cybernetic parts. What we usually think of as cyborgs. Most definitely people, in other words.

An android is sold at the auction, alongside all the droids. Okay, it turns out not to be an android, it’s the titular lost prince in disguise, but nobody knows that when he’s bought by Jann. Jann’s our new hero of the story, the droids’ new master, who is unequivocally a “good guy,” who helps our droids take down the evil gangster and save the poor lost prince. And Jann doesn’t have any problems at all with buying and owning a living being.

So if androids are people, and they can be owned, then we really don’t have any grounds to think that droids aren’t people too.

It’s probably good that Disney owns Star Wars now. This episode of Droids will fit on the vault shelf nicely, right next to Song of the South.

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Next: Ewoks S1E6 – “The Tree of Light” (1985)