Blog – Page 18

Sep

2015

Newark Comic Con 2015

I wrote a post – which you can find here – about my preparations for my first ever comic convention as an exhibitor, which happened this past Saturday, the 12th. I woke up at 5:30 am (blergh) to get to the Best Western Robert Treat Hotel in Newark, New Jersey, for the first year of the Newark Comic Con. My brother Jon was along to help out for the day (and crashing the night before at his house in Jersey got me some extra sleep – it could have been so much worse if I had been coming from the Bronx). We got to the hotel at seven, right on time for set-up. We’d have two hours before the con began.

We found the ballroom right away and were confronted with a sea of empty tables, all decked out in alternating red, yellow, or blue tablecloths. There were no assigned locations – the con volunteer said to go ahead and choose any table I liked.

So, you know. No pressure. It’s not like location is vitally important or anything.

Not having ever exhibited before, I had to draw on my experience as a con attendee to guide my decision. I chose a table in a middle row, with a lot of space between my row and the next. And I picked a table second from the end, on the side of the room nearest the doors where the guests would be coming in, but not directly in front of a door. And hoped for the best.

Here’s the table as it looked when we arrived.

And here’s how it looked an hour and a half later.

I’m pretty darn proud of it. Let’s get a closer look…

Kate Danley had advised me not to make my table too neat – people are less likely to pick things up if it looks like they’re going to mess up a nice display, but if it looks like people have already been browsing, they’ll feel free. Uneven stacks of books are good, too, as it looks like people have been buying. With that in mind, I tried to strike a balance between looking attractive and looking inviting.

I bought online some simple display stands, which is what the individual books of Alan Lennox, Caitlin Ross, and Mark Park are standing up in. You see the four books standing up in tiered rows – that black-and-white patterned thing is just a file divider I got at Staples. The later books are kind of shoved in there (they’re a bit thick), but I knew nobody would be taking books from there anyway, and the divider provides a nice, simple way to display the books in a different way from the single stands.

I made sure there was a small stack of each book, slightly uneven. I had more of the first two books in a box under the table, if needed. You can see some bookmarks to the side there, spread messily to encourage grabbing. And they’re right next to the candy I bought as a free give-away. I forgot to bring a bowl for them, but I actually think it worked better with them just piled up on the table. I got Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups (which I think I ate most of), regular Kisses, Dark Chocolate Kisses, and some Starburst for those unfathomable souls who don’t like chocolate.

And in the back left corner, I’ve put a cardboard box, covered with a small black tablecloth, to elevate one of the posters that Jon had made up for me out of the four covers. I chose the cover to Dakota Bell to put on the table, as I think it’s the most eye-catching. The poster would have been perfectly visible without the box, but I wanted to add another level to the table, just for visual interest.

And just at the bottom of the picture you can see the rainbow flag we affixed to the front of the tablecloth. I went back and forth on this, but I decided that the diversity of my books, including the LGBT characters, is one of the things my fans seem to really like. I figured there’d be some people at this con for whom the rainbow flag would be an attention-grabber, and for those for whom it’d be a turn-off, well, they probably wouldn’t like my books anyway.

The mailing list sign-up form was front and center. I didn’t expect to actually sell many books at this con (if any), so connecting with potential future readers was my top priority, which meant getting names on that list. Hence the place of prominence for that clipboard. Yes, there’s already a name on it, and no, we didn’t put it there – another exhibitor came by while we were setting up, bought a book and signed up. We hadn’t even opened yet and I was already in business!

In the back is another file divider with the whole series (with book four in front on this one, just so that it looks different from the other), and Dakota Bell on her stand next to the clipboard. Behind are the stacks for the third and fourth books in the series. I didn’t bring as many of those – I brought twenty of book one, ten of book two, and five each of books three and four. So I had no reserves of those books – all five were out on the table. My assumption was that people would probably not take a risk on buying an entire unknown series all at once, and that most of my sales would likely be of just the first book. (You know what happens when you make an assumption?)

More bookmarks to the side there, including some stacked in a pencil cup matching the file dividers. The “Temp Job of Doom” pins are in a nice bowl borrowed from my brother. And behind that is a white board with my prices. Since I buy the books at cost, I can offer a steep discount from the online prices. Ten bucks a pop, with a discount of ten bucks if you buy all four books. And a buck for a button seemed fair. (My printing is terrible. I need somebody else to write the prices next time.) The credit card images are clipped from a sticker that came with my Paypal Here credit card reader – they’re just scotch taped to the board.

When we arrived, we were somewhat perplexed at what to do with the four posters Jon had made of the covers. There weren’t any walls behind us – the vendor behind us was setting up his own display racks, but it seemed a little tacky to ask if we could attach something to the back of it. We were going to just stand up two of the posters on the table and forget the others when a hotel employee came around and lifted up that pole you can see in the top photo, the one with the red, white, and blue cloths hanging from it. I had no idea it was going to be raised, but it solved our problem once it was. Jon stuck the posters up with double-sided tape (they’re on foam board, so they’re nice and light) and boom! Eye-catching display. I didn’t get a separate picture of it, but you can see in the photo below that we hung the banner with my name on it on the white cloth, centered behind the table.

And with that, we were ready for business! Here I am, somehow managing to smile even though the corners of my mouth are clearly pointing down.

And here’s Jon, ready to be much, much friendlier than me. Conversations with strangers are difficult for me, so part of Jon’s role was to jump in if I was stammering myself out of a sale.

At nine the con began and the first guests started to arrive. I have to say, I was very pleasantly surprised. The web site for the con was not…encouraging. (That would be my main piece of advice for the organizers for next year – hire a web designer.) But there was quite a decent turnout – I ran out into the hallway around 10 and there was a line out the door. Lots of teens, and lots of families with small kids. I’m afraid I didn’t get any cosplay pictures – sorry, I was working! – but there were some great ones, including a male Harley Quinn with a massive sledgehammer (I was afraid he was going to knock my Dakota Bell poster over but he wielded his tool cautiously), an extremely inventive MJ Watson/Little Mermaid mash-up (complete with Spider-Sebastian), and a couple of very attractive Spider-people.

I did get one pic, because I couldn’t not.

It’s Drew Drechsel, from American Ninja Warrior! I love that show. There was a panel happening at some point during the day (I couldn’t really go to any panels, for obvious reasons). When Drew wandered by my table I recognized him instantly and asked for a photo. He said it was a rule of his that I had to be in it too, which, okay, twist my arm. I almost upended my table trying to get to him. Can you tell how obviously I want to put my arm around his back? I’m doing that awkward hover thing instead because I thought it would be weird to touch him. No matter how badly I wanted to. Ahem. Okay, that was my celebrity sighting for the day. (Actually, we also saw The Amazing Kreskin and Efren Ramirez, who played Pedro in Napoleon Dynamite, but I didn’t have quite the same need for a photo with either of them.)

Actually working the con was exhausting, but rewarding. There were plenty of long stretches where I just sat and smiled as people passed me by, but I also had a lot of great conversations with some really enthusiastic readers. And I learned pretty quickly not to underestimate how willing readers are to take risks – after that one sale before the show opened, my next was of the entire bundle of four books, to a lovely couple of ladies (Rachel and Sarah, you rock). Jon gave them each a free button, which I wish I had thought of at the start – after that, I gave a button away to anyone who bought a book. (Should have put that on the whiteboard…)

So overall, sales were much better than I expected. I sold two more bundles of the full series (!!!), a bunch of copies of the first book, and even one copy of Dakota Bell by its lonesome. I was right about that cover being an attention-grabber – I think having a woman of color as the main character of a sci-fi novel was really appealing to a lot of people. (Representation matters, people! We need diverse books!) I kept having to reassure browsers that she was a main point-of-view character right from book one. But one woman really just wanted book four – I found myself almost trying to talk her out of it, as of all four books I think that’s the one that stands on its own the least (since it’s the wrap-up to the series-long arc), but ultimately she decided she wanted it anyway. I hope I did a good enough job with the recap exposition!

The buttons were pretty popular too, I sold a bunch of those, mostly to people who did not express much interest in the books. “Temp Job of Doom” seems to be a term that a lot of people can relate to.

But again, happy as I was with my sales, that wasn’t why I was there. I learned that my books appeal to younger audiences – mid-to-late teens and early twenties. (Note to self – start looking into Tumblr and Instagram ads…) I sort of knew that teen girls, particularly those who were more progressive-minded, enjoyed this series, but I was surprised at the number of teenage boys who picked up the first book (and one bought all four). Nobody specifically referenced the rainbow flag, but I can’t help but feel that being the only LGBT-identified vendor might have helped me out a little there. (At least, I was the only one I saw, but I only got a look at the rest of the floor before opening, so it’s possible I missed someone.) The teenage girls came in pairs or groups, but the boys were always on their own (one of them I had seen with a group earlier, but he came back alone later to buy).

The mailing list did well – fourteen new sign-ups, which is more than I expected. And I passed out a ton of bookmarks, so hopefully at least a couple of folks will go on to check out the website.

It turns out I had chosen my table location very, very wisely (all right, luckily). It was the widest aisle, and my neighbors didn’t have large displays blocking my foot traffic. I had almost chosen a table two rows over, nearer one of the doors, but that wound up being an extremely narrow aisle, as it faced the back of the opposite row of vendors, rather than the front, so those vendors’ chairs cut into the space. Also, as you can see, not everybody got a backdrop of patriotic cloth on which to hang signs.

A few other random memories from the day, in no particular order:

A boy of about ten or eleven stood in the center of the aisle, holding a bag in each hand, and proclaimed to nobody in particular, “This is the greatest day of my young life!” I said, “So you’re having fun, then?” And he sort of breathlessly panted, “I just met the creator of the Blue Beetle! I got a signed book!” Now I had seen the guy signing copies of Showcase Presents The Blue Beetle and it was definitely not Steve Ditko, but it was sweet to see this kid so enthusiastic, particularly about a comic that I myself loved when I was a kid. (I think who he met was actually Paris Cullins, who was the illustrator on the revamped Blue Beetle in the 80s. Getting a book signed by him is pretty cool too, so the kid’s enthusiasm was not unwarranted.)

There was an adorable little girl there in a pink Wonder Woman t-shirt. She stopped at the booth next to mine, which was selling some really gorgeous original art. She was with her father, and she was really excited about a piece of art she wanted him to buy her. Apparently they had already gone by the booth once, and she asked for it then, but he made her see the rest of the floor first, to be sure she really wanted it. She did, so he bought it for her. She was so excited I thought she was going to collapse into paroxysms of cuteness. The piece of art this adorable little eight-year-old princess wanted so badly? Deadpool, shooting himself in the head.

I met one of my neighbors (on the other side of me from the aforementioned Deadpool artists), comics creator Ramon Gil. He’s an old hand at the con game, so we had some good talks during slower moments about our various experiences in publishing and self-publishing, and the differences between comics and prose writing. I also had a good talk with his young son, who pointed out to me that Mark Park’s name is Park and his book takes place at an amusement park. Which, I swear to you, never once occurred to me.

It was a long day, and by the end my face hurt from smiling (I don’t really use those muscles very often). Here’s me, close to the end.

There are a few slight changes from the top of the day. I moved one pile of bookmarks directly under the candy, because goddammit if you’re taking some free candy the least you can do is take a fricking bookmark. (You might also notice that the Starburst, Peanut Butter Cups and regular Kisses are pretty much gone, leaving just the purple-wrapped Dark Chocolate Kisses. They were not super popular. I still have half a bag.) Also, thanks to the sale of the bundles, I had to dismantle one of my file divider displays, and the other is now made up of two copies of the first two books, rather than one of all four. By the end of the day (after this was taken), I was down to one copy of Dakota Bell, the one on the stand.

Another change I made fairly early was to flip over two books and place them next to the mailing list. Having the back cover text right there prompted a lot of people to stop and read, which often then led to more questions about the series. A lot of those people would have passed on by, I think, if all they saw was graphics. Picking something up makes some people feel like they’re committing to buying, so being able to read without touching made them feel easier about stopping. But once we were talking, they would pick up the other books to read those backs.

The initial information I got from the con said that it ended at five, but when we got there it turned out that we could have stayed until eight. I was done, though, and not too many more new people were coming through, so we packed up and called it a day. Overall, Newark Comic Con was a huge success for me. Not monetarily (although I did better than anticipated), but in terms of my initial goals – meeting new readers, getting mailing list sign-ups, making connections, getting my name out there – I consider them met. I don’t think I’ll be a con regular, given the expense of time, money and effort involved, but if there’s another where I feel like I can reach a good segment of my target audience, I’d definitely be up for giving it a go.

So barring something like that popping up in the meantime, I’m packing everything up and storing it away until August 2016. I’ve already bought my table for Flame Con. Can’t hardly wait!

Sep

2015

Prepping for Newark Comic Con

I went to a lot of conventions this summer – Book Con, New York Comic Con, Special Edition, and Flame Con – and I always take a look to see how the self-published authors are doing, and how much of a presence they’ve got. I’ve been tempted for a while to get an exhibitor’s table at a con, but I’ve been wary about the expense involved. They tend to be pricy, especially when you add in the cost of materials. Received wisdom has been that financially it’s not worth it – I’d never make back the money I put in. The reasons to do a con are to connect with readers, do some networking, and build readership indirectly by getting people to sign up for your mailing list or take some swag that will hopefully get them to go look at your books once they’re home and recovering.

At most of the cons I’ve been to, the self-published authors have been a little sidelined. It didn’t seem very cost-effective to spend all that dough to be somewhere where I’d have to struggle to reach people, so I’ve held off. At Flame Con, though, the self-published authors were front and center, right in with everybody else. When I thought about how well-run it was, how friendly the organizers at Geeks Out are, and what a perfect target audience it is for me (queer sci-fi fans), it seemed to make sense to make this my first con. So, Flame Con 2016 it would be.

But two weeks ago I saw that the first ever Newark Comic Con was happening on Saturday, September 12, and that tables were only a hundred bucks (that’s pretty cheap, as these things go). It occurred to me that maybe I didn’t want Flame Con to be my first con experience as a vendor – I was bound to make a lot of mistakes the first time out, and I’d hate to waste what might be a great opportunity. So, on somewhat of an impulse, I bought a table at Newark. It’s a small con, first time out, and the stakes are low. I can screw it all up without consequence!

Of course, I don’t want to screw it up, I want it to be a day filled with magic and wonder (and book sales). So I’ve spent the past two weeks in a frenzy getting everything together. The first thing I did was email my friend, guru, and self-publishing mentor Kate Danley for advice (she was a treasure trove, as always), then searched the the Kboards’ Writer’s Forum for more tips (it’s a great source for info on self-publishing). Combined with what I had gleaned from my own experiences as a con attendee, I was ready to dive in.

The first thing to do was to order everything I’d need printed. Two weeks wasn’t a lot of time and I didn’t want to risk having an empty table. So from my printer I ordered twenty copies of the first book, ten of the second, and five each of the third and fourth. I’m not expecting to sell too many books, but I want to have a nice display, and it’s not like they’ll go bad – I’ll have what’s left over to sell at Flame Con next year.

I wanted some bookmarks to give away, because I myself always grab bookmarks at cons, they’re a great freebie for any event where readers will congregate. They’re pretty cheap to print in bulk, but I needed to design them myself. My Photoshop skills are passable for the basics, so I came up with something I think looks pretty good.

They’re double-sided, so there’s room for all four book covers, plus my name, website, the stores where you can get my book, and a new tagline I’m trying out: “Horrible Things Happening to Interesting People.” (What do you think?)

Kate had a great suggestion – pins. The main titles of my books work well as stand-alone text on a button – “Temp Job of Doom,” “Commute from Hell,” “Flume of Destiny,” “Wastes of Time.” I feel like people would like these even if they don’t know the books. (Okay, “Flume of Destiny” is a little random.) This was a little more challenging in the design department, but I was able to erase “and the” from the cropped cover and make a pretty good “Temp Job of Doom” image.

I started on “Commute from Hell,” but Caitlin’s hair overlaps with the text and it was a lot harder to isolate. Time was short, so the rest will have to wait. I was able to get these made at a still-cheap but non-negligible cost, so I’ll be selling them for a buck a pop. I think they’ll be a great attention-grabber for my table. (And if I’m wrong, well, that’s why I’m doing this test con in the first place.)

I also signed up for Paypal Here, which will let me take credit cards as payment via my phone. They sent a reader which plugs into the headphone jack – it works perfectly. And I made a dedicated page on my website just for sign-ups for my mailing list from this event, which people can do on my phone or their own tablet. I’ve also printed up a physical sign-up sheet, which I’ll have on a clipboard.

One very important thing was to register to collect sales tax in the state of New Jersey. The process was quick, if a little complicated, but after a few missteps I got my Federal EIN number, which made the whole process go much smoother. My certificate came in the mail quite promptly, so I’m all legal and ready to render unto Caesar.

The rest of what I needed is mostly for display – I want to make things look attractive and professional. There was one more item to be designed – I don’t know what kind of signage the con will provide, if any, so I designed a small banner and had it printed up at Staples.

I don’t know about the colors, but it gets the job done, I suppose. And my brother Jon (who’s coming along to help out) got some posters made out of the covers of my books, and they look fantastic.

Everything else came from an Amazon spree and a trip to Staples. I’ve got two black tablecloths – a large one to cover the six-foot table provided, and a smaller one, which I think I’ll spread over a milk crate or a box, something to add a level so the table isn’t just flat. I picked up two pretty vertical file sorters, to stand the books up in (four rows for four books), which I hope will look cool, plus a bunch of stands, each of which will display a single book. A nice pencil cup will serve to hold some bookmarks. A whiteboard, for my price list. A receipt book. A rainbow flag – I haven’t decided if I’ll hang this up or not, but I’m thinking it might not be bad to make my commitment to diversity obvious. And a rolling suitcase, to carry it all in. (Yup, the suitcase is definitely just for business purposes, Mr. Tax Man.) I’ve thrown together an emergency bag with various supplies – pens, tape, thumbtacks, scissors, clips. I think I’m ready. I’m kind of nervous. But excited.

The con is tomorrow. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Aug

2015

Free Fridays

Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom is a featured recommendation on Barnes and Noble’s Nook blog today! That’s pretty damn cool. Much thanks to Kate Danley for recommending me, and for all the kind words (I smell pull quote…). Click the link and pick up her featured book, Maggie for Hire, for free. It’s the first book in an urban fantasy series about a kick-ass magical bounty hunter – I love, love, love it.

Aug

2015

Thoughts on Star Trek (1) – The Original Series, Season One

After Doctor Who, my favorite science fiction franchise would have to be Star Trek. I remember the episodes of the original series playing endlessly in syndication when I was a kid, I saw all the movies in the theater, and I was there on day one when The Next Generation premiered. I’ve stuck with it through highs and lows, all the way through the disappointing finale of the otherwise underrated Enterprise and the questionable reboot movies.

A while back I started on a massive re-watch of the entire canon, starting from the beginning and proceeding chronologically. (I decided to watch the original series in production order, since the broadcast order was decided by the network rather than the producers. Less continuity weirdness if you watch it in production order.) I was really struck by just how brilliant the original show was, and how well it holds up today. I have a lot of thoughts on it, and since, hey, I’ve got a blog, I thought I’d share them. So here’s the first in a probably quite long series of my thoughts on Star Trek, covering the first season.

Here’s how I’m doing this. Each entry starts with a code for the series (TOS: The Original Series; TAS: The Animated Series; TNG: The Next Generation; DS9: Deep Space Nine; VOY: Voyager; ENT: Enterprise; MOV: the movies), followed by the season number, the episode number and the episode title. Then, to help refresh your memory, I’ve given the episode synopsis from Memory Alpha, the premier Star Trek wiki. Then the date the episode first aired. Then, in case you still don’t remember it, my own quick description of which one this is, based on whatever I think is the most memorable part of the story. Finally come my own thoughts on the episode, neatly bulleted. Sometimes I have a lot to say, sometimes I don’t. Let’s get to it!

TOS 1×0. The Cage

While investigating a distress call from Talos IV, Captain Christopher Pike of the starship Enterprise is captured and tested by beings who can project powerfully realistic illusions.

The unaired pilot, with nobody you know except Spock in it.

Jeffrey Hunter (Pike) is very handsome. (Yes, this is my first thought on the entire Star Trek canon. I feel like it’s a good idea to let you know how serious to take this right off the bat.)
On meeting his new yeoman, Pike is unhappy with having a “woman on the bridge.” God damn it, Star Trek. Hurry up and get progressive already.
The different illusory settings created by the Talosians are done well, especially the fight in the castle.
The Talosians’ plan to repopulate their planet with two humans seems peculiar. Apart from the obvious inbreeding problems once you hit the second generation…why bother? If your species is going extinct, how does breeding a completely different species to replace you help?
Vina can’t go with Pike at the end because she’s ugly, and therefore can’t be around other people, and he accepts this. God damn it, Star Trek, what did I just say?

TOS 1×1. Where No Man Has Gone Before

An encounter at the limits of our galaxy begins to change Lieutenant Commander Gary Mitchell and threatens the future of the Enterprise and the Human race itself.

First aired September 22, 1966.

The one where Kirk’s BFF gets super-powers and goes crazy.

I like these early Starfleet uniforms. They’re basically just sweaters. They look comfy.
Sulu is a physicist in this episode. That’s weird.
And we meet the chief medical officer of the Enterprise, Doctor Piper. (Don’t get too comfortable, Doc!)
Hard to get a handle on who the main characters of the show at this point were supposed to be, beyond Kirk, Spock, and Piper. Scotty’s pretty prominent, I guess, but Sulu doesn’t do much. Lt. Kelso seemed like a lead until Mitchell killed him. Good fake out!
This is a pretty great episode. As much as I liked Captain Pike and Majel Barrett as his first officer, I can see why the network retooled it. I don’t know why they held this episode back to air third, though – apparently it was felt to be “too expository” to be the pilot, but it seems pretty action-packed to me. That last battle between Kirk, Mitchell and Dehner is a lot of fun.

TOS 1×2. The Corbomite Maneuver

Exploring a distant region of space, the Enterprise is threatened by Balok, commander of a starship from the First Federation.

First aired November 10, 1966.

The one with creepy child Clint Howard.

Sulu’s at the helm, McCoy is in sick bay, and all is right with the world. I wonder what happened to Dr. Piper? We’ll never know.
Kirk’s annoyed at being assigned an attractive female yeoman. When does this show get progressive, exactly?
That attractive female yeoman is, of course, Janice Rand, who will be a major character for a while before leaving the show under truly horrible real-world circumstances.
This is Lt. Uhura’s first appearance too. I love Lt. Uhura. I get very excited whenever they let her have a line.
Chief navigator Lt. Dave Bailey keeps fucking up, again and again and again. And then he yells at the captain. If I didn’t already know, I’d guess we wouldn’t be seeing him again after this episode.
Balok is clearly a puppet, but I’m guessing the crew shouldn’t feel too badly about not realizing this since most of the aliens they’ll meet won’t be puppets despite clearly being puppets. If that makes sense.
Bailey’s all calm now, and Kirk’s like, “Eh, insubordination, shminsubordination, take your post.” They’re very forgiving in the Federation, I guess.
Clint Howard as the real Balok is way scarier than the puppet. I don’t know why he bothered with it.
Balok asks for one of them to live with him, and Lt. Bailey is immediately all, “Yeah, I’ll live with the freaky alien kid with the disturbingly adult voice. Sure.” Kirk talks a good game about how it’ll be good for Bailey but I think he’s just eager to get rid of him.

TOS 1×3. Mudd’s Women

The Enterprise rescues a con man named Harry Mudd who is trafficking in mail-order brides.

First aired October 13, 1966.

The one with the space pimp.

I have trouble believing Harry Mudd is any good at his job. He is so obviously a stereotypical con man I half expect him to knock on my door and convince me to switch to an alternative energy provider.
There are only three miners on the whole planet? I don’t know if that means the colony is extremely efficient, or extremely inefficient.
The scene with Eve and the miner Childress reminds me of Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. But in space. Seven Space Brides for Seven Space Brothers.
Uhura was in gold in this episode and the previous one. They were still figuring out exactly what everyone’s roles aboard the ship were, but it’s a shame they didn’t run with the idea of having her be a part of Command division. Can you imagine Kirk leaving for an away mission and saying, “Uhura, you’ve got the conn,” and she moves to the big chair? That would have been fantastic.
I’m fantasizing about ways Star Trek could have been more progressive, because this episode with the mail-order brides isn’t doing it for me, for some reason.

TOS 1×4. The Enemy Within

A transporter malfunction splits Captain Kirk into two people – one good and one evil, and neither capable of functioning well separately.

First aired October 6, 1966.

The one with the evil duplicate Kirk that isn’t “Mirror, Mirror.”

The first “transporter malfunction causes the plot” episode. But not the last!
Also the first attempted rape on Star Trek. But not the last!
It’s evil duplicate Kirk on Janice Rand, in case you’re wondering. She fights him off and scratches the hell out of him in the process. Good for her!
There is some great Shatner scenery-chewing in this episode. It started early.
Sulu’s stranded on the rapidly-freezing planet and does the “heat the rock with a phaser” trick for warmth. Do NOT think too hard about the physics of this. Just accept it.
I love the little alien doggie that gets split into good little alien doggie and evil little alien doggie.
After everything’s been resolved, Spock makes a smarmy comment to Rand suggesting that the evil Kirk had some qualities she found “interesting.” Fuck you, Spock. He tried to rape her. Asshole. (No joke. It is an ugly moment and it’s meant to be the lighthearted ending to the episode.)

TOS 1×5. The Man Trap

A mysterious creature stalks the Enterprise, murdering crew members.

First aired September 8, 1966.

The one with the salt vampire that looks like a cross between Bigfoot and a lamprey.

Crewman Darnell once met a pretty woman on “Wrigley’s Pleasure Planet.” We don’t learn anything else about this place, but based on the name alone I very much want to visit.
The appearance of the salt vampire gets made fun of a lot (in the real world, I mean, not in the story), but I actually think it looks pretty good.
There’s some quick flirty banter between Spock and Uhura in this episode. It didn’t seem like the set-up for a real romance – Uhura was teasing him – but it does set the stage for an interesting relationship between the two. (Which never goes anywhere, unfortunately.)
There’s also a great scene with Rand and Sulu in the ship’s arboretum. Sulu has an interest in botany, apparently. That will also never be addressed again.
These very early episodes tried to showcase some of the other crew members and make more use of the ensemble, but that fades away pretty quickly. It becomes all about Kirk, Spock, McCoy and sometimes Scotty, and the rest settle for the occasional plot point without much in the way of character development. It’s a shame – there were a lot of interesting interpersonal dynamics to explore, and the original cast were pretty good actors, for the most part.

TOS 1×6. The Naked Time

The Enterprise crew is intoxicated by an inhibition-stripping contagion which causes mayhem throughout the ship.

First aired September 29, 1966.

The one where they all get space-drunk.

Lt. Tormolen (don’t bother remembering his name), while examining mysterious deaths, removes the glove of his environmental suit to scratch his nose. I’m sorry, he deserves what he gets.
Shirtless sweaty fencing Sulu. Yeah, I can get into that.
Most of the Enterprise crew are pretty friendly drunks. Everybody’s pretty frisky. I’d take them with me to Wrigley’s Pleasure Planet for sure.
I don’t really get why Nurse Chapel is so into Spock, but Majel Barrett sells it.
Shatner takes a lot of shit about his overacting, but his “Never lose you. Never.” to the Enterprise is fantastic.
And they travel back in time three days at the end for…reasons? I always found that ending bizarre, it’s apropos of nothing. It doesn’t lead into a time travel episode, it just kind of happens. Oh, we traveled backwards in time a few days? Huh. Weird. Whatever, carry on.

TOS 1×7. Charlie X

The Enterprise takes seventeen-year-old Charles Evans aboard for transport after he spent fourteen years alone on a deserted planet, but he’s unable to reintegrate with his fellow Humans.

First aired September 15, 1966.

The one with the horny super-powered teenager.

I can’t help but feel that this episode is somewhat influenced by that “wish it into the cornfield” episode of The Twilight Zone.
More flirtatious teasing from Uhura to Spock, as she sings to him in the rec room. I wonder if the writers of the new film series were spring-boarding off of this early relationship?
More threateningly sexual advances on Rand.
I don’t have a lot to say about this episode. It’s serviceable. Kind of a deus ex machina ending, but that’s hardly unique for this series.

TOS 1×8. Balance of Terror

The Enterprise battles a Romulan ship suspected of destroying outposts near the neutral zone.

First aired December 15, 1966.

The first one with the Romulans.

The episode begins with Kirk officiating a wedding between two crewmembers we’ve never met before. What are the odds of both of them making it to the wedding night?
Everybody’s all freaked out because the Romulans look like Vulcans, like Spock. But nobody thinks it’s at all strange that they’ve met so many alien species who look like humans?
Okay, I guess in the series so far they haven’t met any aliens who look like humans. (Clint Howard doesn’t count.) But they will! Tons! And nobody mentions it then!
This episode is very, very good. Mark Lenard as the Romulan commander is perfect.

TOS 1×9. What Are Little Girls Made Of?

The Enterprise finds archaeologist Dr. Roger Korby, who has been missing for five years, living underground on a deserted planet with a group of sophisticated androids.

First aired October 20, 1966.

The one where Nurse Chapel has a lot to do.

I always like episodes where a character outside the Big Three gets a turn in the spotlight, so I have a fondness for this one. It fleshes out Nurse Chapel’s backstory quite a bit and Majel Barrett is very good in it. It’s just a shame that it’s such a generic “torn between my duty and my man” kind of story.
And what happened to her being in love with Spock? Seems weird they don’t mention it, since it was such a big deal just a few episodes ago and this story is all about her love life.
Korby made himself a sex bot. They don’t even try and bury that behind a space allegory.
Kirk’s on the run from Ruk the giant robot, and he breaks off a stalactite to use as a weapon. It looks exactly like a giant pink dildo. It even has balls.

TOS 1×10. Dagger of the Mind

A routine visit to the Tantalus Penal Colony proves dangerous for Kirk and an Enterprise psychiatrist.

First aired November 3, 1966.

The one with the penal colony. (It’s not a very memorable episode, honestly, but isn’t penal a fun word?)

Van Gelder escapes from the penal colony by hiding inside a crate that’s beamed aboard the Enterprise. That is some seriously lax security on both ends.
It’s the first Vulcan mind meld! It’s treated here as a much bigger deal to do than it will be later, when Spock’ll meld with anyone with a pulse, the hussy.

TOS 1×11. Miri

The Enterprise discovers an Earth-like planet that was devastated by a horrific degenerative disease and is now populated entirely by impossibly old children.

First aired October 27, 1966.

“No blah blah blah!”

Yeoman Rand gets a lot to do in this episode. I always forget what a major character she was on the show before Grace Lee Whitney’s unfortunate departure.
The disease is supposed to have killed anyone post-pubescent, but Jahn is making it hard to suspend my disbelief. He looks like a middle manager at a box company.
It’s really fun to watch Kirk get the crap beat out of him by a bunch of children.
So, the planet is completely identical to Earth, and they never really try to find out why. (Besides the obvious reason, that the studio wanted to use existing backlots instead of making new alien-looking exterior sets.) They mention it at first, have a sort of, “Huh, that’s weird,” reaction, then never discuss it again. I’m not sure they have this whole “mission of exploration” thing down.

TOS 1×12. The Conscience of the King

An actor traveling aboard the Enterprise may be a former governor who ordered a mass murder twenty years ago.

First aired December 8, 1966.

The one with the Shakespeare plays.

Pretty big back-story introduced for Kirk here, that he was a survivor of a famous massacre on an Earth colony when he was young.
The whole story here hinges on the fact that of 4,000 survivors, only nine ever saw the face of the man who committed the massacre. But that man was the governor of the colony. He was the governor and he killed thousands of people. That didn’t make the news? They didn’t have a yearbook photo or something?
Maybe it’s a Hamlet homage but Kirk takes his damn sweet time deciding that the traveling actor on-board is the evil governor, well past the point when it’s completely obvious to everyone.
That aside, I do like all the Shakespearean influences on this episode. It’s right up my alley.

TOS 1×13. The Galileo Seven

Spock faces difficult command decisions when his shuttle crashes on a hostile world populated by barbarous giants.

First aired January 5, 1967.

Everybody hates Spock.

This is a great episode, but some of the characterization falters in service of building up tension. The reactions of the shuttle crew to Spock’s command are ludicrous for military personnel – they’re insubordinate, bordering on mutinous. And Commissioner Ferris might as well be twirling a mustache, he’s so pointlessly evil.
Uhura gets to be science officer for a day. That must make a nice change for her. They’re really committed to cross-training in Starfleet.
The ending is very tense. Despite myself I was genuinely concerned that the Enterprise wouldn’t spot them.
This is one of many episodes that ends with everybody laughing at Spock. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have emotions, the poor guy.

TOS 1×14. Court Martial

Kirk is accused of criminal negligence causing the death of one of his subordinates, Lt. Commander Benjamin Finney, and is put on trial for his murder.

First aired February 2, 1967.

The one where Kirk killed a redshirt, maybe.

Cogley, Kirk’s lawyer, talks about the history of those who created law, from “Moses to the Tribunal of Alpha III.” This is a small detail, but they do it a lot on Star Trek and I really like it – they’ll include, in a list of historical events or personages, some fictional creation from the future, unknown to us. It’s good world-building, and reminds us that there’s a whole history of the galaxy between our time and theirs.
Uhura takes the navigation console at the end of this episode. She can do anything! She could run the whole Enterprise herself, screw those other guys. Uhura’s awesome.
There’s an unnamed personnel officer who gives testimony at Kirk’s trial, played by Nancy Wong, an Asian-American actor. This isn’t the first time we’ve seen a person of color in a supporting role on the show, and it’s certainly not the last, but I make note of it here just as an opportunity to say how great it is to see a popular television show in the 1960s with such diverse casting. The show was really committed to the idea that all of humanity had united by the time of Star Trek and racism was a thing of the past for humanity. Of course, it could have been better – there were a lot of white dudes in Starfleet – but compared to other television shows of the time, it deserves its groundbreaking reputation – not just for the obvious reasons, like Nichelle Nichols as Uhura on the bridge, but also for Nancy Wong as the unnamed personnel officer feeling bad about having to testify against her captain.

TOS 1×15. The Menagerie, Part 1

Spock fakes a message from the Enterprise’s former commander, Christopher Pike, steals the vessel, and sets it on a locked course for the forbidden planet Talos IV.

First aired November 17, 1966.

The one where they chop the pilot up into two episodes.

I confess, I skipped most of the pilot re-hash and just watched the framing sequences. It hadn’t been that long since I had watched “The Cage” and it really didn’t hold up to another re-watching so soon.
Wow, communication methods for people who are “locked in” has really regressed in the past few centuries. They can’t even hold up an alphabet chart for Pike to beep at?
Lt. Hansen makes his second appearance as helmsman. The second part of this story will be his last appearance as helmsman. The first series in particular had an awful lot of personnel making a handful of appearances, making it seem like they might become main characters, before vanishing, never to be seen or mentioned again.

TOS 1×16. The Menagerie, Part 2

While Spock faces court martial for kidnapping Captain Pike and hijacking the Enterprise, he further explains his actions with mysterious footage about Pike’s captivity by the Talosians.

First aired November 24, 1966.

The one where they chop the pilot up into two episodes. Part 2.

It’s a little severe for Starfleet to punish contact with Talos IV with the death penalty, especially if it’s their only capital offense. Those guys aren’t so terrible. They let Pike go. Eventually. Maybe Starfleet just doesn’t want anybody watching the pilot episode?
Commodore Mendez’s reaction to the Orion slave girl is to drool a little and comment that they’re supposed to be “irresistible,” and not, “she’s a slave, how horrible,” as one might expect.
Psyche! Mendez was never there, it was all an illusion! So really it’s the Talosians who are being disgusting.
Pike gets to the transporter room and down to the planet pretty damn fast considering his situation.

TOS 1×17. Shore Leave

The Enterprise crew take shore leave on a planet where their imaginations become reality.

First aired December 29, 1966.

The one where McCoy sees the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland.

The best part of this whole episode is Finnegan, the Irish upperclassman who taunts Kirk to the accompaniment of a jaunty jig. I would watch a Finnegan spin-off.
McCoy is super gross to Yeoman Barrows, but she’s into it.
We get another almost-rape, this time on Barrows by an illusory Don Juan. We learn at the end that these illusions are caused by the secret wishes of the crew, which is…disturbing, regardless of exactly whose secret wish it might be.
The episode ends by revealing they were never in any danger and absolutely nothing was at stake, so, you know. Glad I spent an hour on that.

TOS 1×18. The Squire of Gothos

The Enterprise is captured by Trelane, the childish ruler of Gothos.

First aired January 12, 1967.

“Are you challenging me to a duel?”

William Campbell as Trelane is everything.
I love this episode, so, so much. It sets the template for what will become a pretty generic Star Trek plot – the crew is kidnapped and manipulated by a God-like alien. “Where No Man Has Gone Before” and “Charlie X” were both proto-versions of this type of story, but “The Squire of Gothos” perfects it.
There doesn’t seem to be any particular reason why Yeoman Ross couldn’t have been Yeoman Rand – except, of course, for the behind-the-scenes drama. Too bad.

TOS 1×19. Arena

Kirk battles an alien captain who destroyed a Federation outpost.

First aired January 19, 1967.

Kirk versus the lizard-man.

Sulu’s in command! When Kirk beams down he leaves Sulu in charge, which makes so much more sense than Scotty, who would quickly become the default stand-by captain. The chief engineer should be in engineering, whereas Sulu’s just a few feet away from his normal post. Also, Sulu is bad-ass. (I’m glad the movies finally realized this.)
Another god-like alien race – the Metrons, this time – having their way with the little people.
The Gorn looks like a Sleestak on steroids but I like it.
This is an all-out action episode, and they do it right. Kirk trying to build a cannon before the Gorn rips him to shreds is gripping.

TOS 1×20. The Alternative Factor

Investigating the cause of a massive, galaxy-wide disruption in space, the Enterprise finds a mad scientist who claims that he is being pursued by a hideous being.

First aired March 30, 1967.

The one with the guy fighting his twin from the negative universe.

For all the crap I give this show about its occasionally contradictory relationship with gender roles, sometimes it really gets it right on the diversity front. This episode features two female African-American bridge officers like it ain’t no thang. In addition to Uhura, this week’s one-off character is Lt. Charlene Masters, who wears science division blue but also works in engineering. She does her job. She gets involved in the main plot, filling the role Scotty would normally play (he’s not in this one). She complains about coffee with her assistant, an unnamed white guy. It’s 1967, and this is network television, and all of this is important.
The image of Lazarus and his evil double fighting in the negative space corridor is really striking. I saw this episode as a kid and it really unnerved me for some reason.
This is one of those episodes that really isn’t that great – it tends to drag – but that I like anyway, probably because of how much it freaked me out as a kid. Kirk’s last line is unnecessarily portentous, though – “But what of Lazarus? What of Lazarus?” Uh, you just locked him in a battle with his evil double until the end of time, Kirk, that’s what of Lazarus. You had a whole conversation with him about it. Don’t act like you don’t know what you did.

TOS 1×21. Tomorrow Is Yesterday

The Enterprise is hurled back in time to the year 1969, where the US Air Force sights it as a UFO. The crew must find a way to erase evidence of their visit before trying to get back to their future home.

First aired January 26, 1967.

The time travel one where they kidnap the fighter pilot.

Now, this is a good episode. Lots of action, the plot keeps moving, some good character-based comic bits, likable guest star playing a good guy who acts as the antagonist for entirely believable reasons. More like this, please!
Wouldn’t it have been cool if this episode had followed The Naked Time, and the pointless time travel at the end of that episode had been how they wound up in 1969? It would have been a neat little cliffhanger linking two otherwise unrelated adventures. Shame they didn’t really do that sort of thing back then – all the episodes had to pretty much stand alone (with rare exceptions, like “The Menagerie.”).
This is the one where the computer calls Kirk “dear” because it was overhauled on a female-dominated planet. I…think it’s supposed to be a joke?
The ending is cool. Just don’t try and think the time travel stuff through too hard. Why does Christopher forget everything when they beam him home? Because science, that’s why.

TOS 1×22. The Return of the Archons

The Enterprise discovers a planet where the population act like zombies and obey the will of their unseen ruler, Landru.

First aired February 9, 1967.

The one with the orgy.

The natives of this planet are mind-controlled drones but they periodically engage in the Festival, which is twelve hours of uncontrolled debauchery. It looks hella fun. Five stars on Trip Advisor.
Kirk justifies violating the Prime Directive again. It’s not that I disagree, but it seems like it’s becoming more of a Prime Suggestion.
Kirk logics another computer to death. After 6,000 years it must have really needed a software update.
Another episode with a great set-up and a weak resolution. Why does Festival even exist? There’s no reason for the computer to allow it except to offer an exciting plot device and ramp up the danger a little.

TOS 1×23. A Taste of Armageddon

On a diplomatic mission, the crew visit a planet that is waging a destructive war fought solely by computer simulation, but the casualties, including the crew of the USS Enterprise, are supposed to be real.

First aired February 23, 1967.

The one where all the people line up to be atomized because the war computers told them they had to.

I remember this episode as a favorite when I was a kid, so I had that moment of, “Ooh, this is a good one!” when I recognized it.
Are all Federation Ambassadors and Commodores and Admirals willfully obtuse? Ambassador Fox is one of many Federation authority figures who exist only to ignore obvious warning signs and order the Enterprise crew to do something stupid for the sole purpose of putting them all into danger. At least he wises up by the end, although it takes him actually being forcibly marched into a disintegration chamber before he starts listening to Kirk.
Spock does the mind meld on a guard – from the other side of a wall. Time to dial back those Vulcan superpowers a little, I think.
Kirk threatens to implement General Order 24, which would command the Enterprise to destroy all life on the planet. I keep waiting for him to explain that it was a bluff, and General Order 24 doesn’t exist, but apparently it does. That’s pretty hardcore for a fleet of ships on missions of peaceful exploration.
This is a great episode – lots of action, and the central conceit is just plausible enough to make it extra disturbing.

TOS 1×24. Space Seed

The Enterprise discovers an ancient spaceship carrying genetically enhanced supermen from late 20th century Earth and their enigmatic warlord leader: Khan Noonien Singh.

First aired February 16, 1967.

Khaaaaaaaaaaannnnn!!!!!

Ricardo Montalban is fantastic. Maybe the best guest star of the entire series. There’s a reason they made a movie out of a sequel to this.
Lt. Marla McGivers is a bit of a wet noodle, though. She commits treason because Khan is just such a manly man that she can’t control the pitter-patter of her girly heart. Ugh. How did you ever get out of the Academy?
Man, remember the Eugenics Wars of the 1990s? Those sure did suck.
Uhura gets a killer moment when she’s slapped for refusing to give Khan the information he’s looking for. The looks of defiance she gives him afterwards is fierce. Nichelle Nichols is a national treasure, y’all.
Deservedly considered one of the best episodes ever. I certainly think so.

TOS 1×25. This Side of Paradise

The Enterprise crew finds happiness at a colony where alien spores provide total contentment.

First aired March 2, 1967.

The one where the crew gets high. No, not drunk, that was “The Naked Time.”

I can’t believe that the production crew of this episode did not intend for the spray spore of the evil pod plants to look like ejaculate. The crew gets blasted with it, head to toe. It’s like somebody made a Star Trek porn parody consisting entirely of bukkake scenes.
This is the third and final appearance of Lieutenant Kelowitz, who had a small part in “The Galileo Seven” and a slightly bigger one in “Arena.” Even this late in the season the show is still figuring out who the major recurring characters are going to be.
“I have never understood the female capacity to avoid a direct answer to any question.” Fuck you, Spock.

TOS 1×26. The Devil in the Dark

The Enterprise arrives at Janus VI, where an unknown monster is destroying machinery and killing the miners, threatening the entire mining operation.

First aired March 9, 1967.

The one with the rock monster.

Another classic. The first half, when the Horta’s killing everybody, is genuinely creepy.
It does stretch credulity a bit that the miners have discovered literally millions of perfectly smooth silicon spheres in the mines and nobody ever bothered to spare a thought as to where they might have come from.
I think Leonard Nimoy took some acting lessons from Shatner while preparing for his mind-meld with the Horta. “Pain! Pain!”
This is the first “I’m a doctor, not a…” line. (Bricklayer, in this instance.) Surprisingly late in the series.
I like how immensely pleased with himself McCoy is after he heals the Horta. Maybe he is a bricklayer after all.

TOS 1×27. Errand of Mercy

Kirk and Spock try to protect the planet Organia from the Klingons, but the natives don’t want the Federation’s help.

First aired March 23, 1967.

Klingons! Finally!

The pre-existing tension with the Klingon Empire seems like a really big deal considering we’ve never heard of them before.
The Klingons are instantly a believable threat, more so than just about any alien race we’ve been shown before. It’s clear why they became the main antagonists of the series.
And Kor is awesome.
The Organians’ pacifism would probably be a bit nobler if they weren’t omnipotent. Kind of easy to be all high and mighty about violence when you are, in fact, higher and mightier than everybody else.
This is a fantastic episode. The conflict of Kirk and Spock against Kor is tight. I love it despite the deus ex machina all-powerful aliens ending.

TOS 1×28. The City on the Edge of Forever

After taking an accidental overdose of cordrazine, Doctor Leonard McCoy goes back in time and changes history.

First aired April 6, 1967.

You know this one. Even people who never saw the show know this one.

Wow, this really was a hell of a streak, wasn’t it? I know they didn’t air in this order, but the production team was on a role.
McCoy “accidentally” injects himself with that cordrazine for a really long time. You honestly couldn’t have stopped pressing that button, Doctor Feelgood?
Hey, it’s Lieutenant Kyle! Have I mentioned him yet? He’s the major character you don’t remember – I had honestly forgotten all about him until I started this re-watch. He’s in more episodes than anybody outside of the main characters, I think. He even makes it into the animated series and has a small part in the second movie. He’s usually manning the transporter, although he pops up in other positions whenever they need somebody to say a few lines. Remember him yet? No? He’s in more episodes than Janice Rand! Ah, well, sorry, Lieutenant.
Uhura’s in the landing party! I love when Uhura gets to go down to a planet. It doesn’t happen very often.
The Guardian of Forever is very free with his time travel abilities. You wanna hop inside, change history, maybe wipe out your entire species before it evolves? Knock yourself out. Not much of a guardian, is he? More like the Napping Night Shift Security Guard of Forever.
Kirk explains Spock’s eyebrows and ears away by saying he’s Chinese and had an accident with a rice picker. Jesus Christ.
The scene where the homeless guy accidentally vaporizes himself with McCoy’s phaser gives me the shivers. Frankly, the whole idea that the phaser has a setting that completely disintegrates someone without a trace freaks me out. I know it’s just science fiction, but it’s always struck me as a really horrible way to die. (I know that’s kind of a downer thought, but cut me some slack, this whole episode is a downer.)
While the main question of this episode is a great one – would you sacrifice someone you love for the greater good? – the message conveyed – that pacifism could destroy the world – is slightly less great.

TOS 1×29. Operation – Annihilate!

The Deneva colony is attacked by neural parasites that cause mass insanity while the crew of Enterprise search for a way to stop them.

First aired April 13, 1967.

The one where Kirk’s brother dies.

Really great pre-credits teaser – the mysterious ship plunging itself into the planet’s sun, the pilot intent on killing himself, resisting any attempts to save him. Good mysterious set-up!
Kirk’s brother dies off-screen, before the crew arrives. It’s a bit shocking, to have the brother of the lead character killed so casually. The story doesn’t make as much of it as it could, frankly. By the end of the episode Kirk’s joking around like nothing happened.
I can’t decide if the parasite creatures are disturbing or ridiculous. They look like a cross between a jellyfish and a frog that’s been run over by a truck, but there are so many of them and the pulsing creeps me out.
Then they start to fly and I settle on ridiculous.
A pretty good episode, but nothing special considering it was the season finale. (It was last in both production and broadcast order.) I know season finales weren’t quite as big a deal back then, but they really should have gone with “The City on the Edge of Forever.”

Next: The Original Series, Season Two

Jul

2015

Make That Sausage: The Last Steps Before Self-Publishing (4)

(Part One) (Part Two) (Part Three)

Last time I had just uploaded epubs of Dakota Bell and the Wastes of Time onto my phone’s various reader apps, to check for any formatting errors. I had discovered that I needed to delete a page, and was debating whether I should remake, reverify, and reload all the epubs. I decided against it, ultimately – I can’t keep doing that every time I find an error, it would be a mountain of extra work, so instead I’d do one pass through them all, fix all the mistakes at once, then check again. I started with the Google Play version, and was very glad I hadn’t gone through all that work because I immediately discovered another mistake.

I had included the cover to the book in the metadata. That’s great if a book is going to be sideloaded onto a device instead of purchased through a vendor – if I send someone a review copy, I’ll include the cover in the book file. But stores ask for the cover to be uploaded as a separate file, and they attach it to the book themselves – if I include the book cover in the epub or mobi file, I run the risk of the cover appearing in the book twice.

Everything else looks good – Google Play, iTunes, Nook and Kobo versions are all fine on my phone. Back to Scrivener, my writing program, where I make a new mobi file and check it out on my Kindle desktop app. Things seem fine, all the links are working. Time to upload it to the Amazon store. Gulp.

I procrastinate by doing a little work on prepping the paperwork version – I’ll probably put all that into its own post at some point, so I’ll skip it here – and when I’m ready, I decide to go through the mobi file one more time, just because I’m paranoid. And it’s a good thing I do – I find that there are two sets of backmatter, one with all the Amazon links, one with all the Kobo links. How’d I miss that before? In Scrivener, I have a complete set of the backmatter pages for each vendor – that’s a “thanks for reading” page with a request to leave a review, the acknowledgements page, an “also by this author” page where I plug the rest of the series, an “about the author” page, and the copyright information. Every time I compile, I have to check the boxes for the pages I want to include and uncheck the boxes I don’t. I must have made the Kobo epub last before I made the Kindle mobi, and I forgot to remove the Kobo pages from the file. Double, triple, quadruple check everything!

Back to Scrivener to make a new mobi file, and everything looks good (for real, this time). So I’m off to the Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP) website, to my account. Before I click on “create new title,” I open the page for Alan Lennox and the Temp Job of Doom in a new tab – a lot of the settings will be the same, and it’s helpful to be able to see what I’ve done before.

I’m asked first if I want to enroll my new book in KDP Select. I do not. This would get it into the Kindle Unlimited program, and allow me to run discounted days as a promotion, but it would also mean the book would be exclusive to Amazon. Even though Amazon is far and away my biggest money-maker, I am unconvinced that giving up all the other stores would be worth the extra borrows through KU.

I enter the basic info. The book name, no subtitle. This book is part of a series – check. Enter the series title. (I hate that there’s no dropdown menu with my series title saved – I’m afraid I’ll misspell something and they won’t link up.) It’s volume four in the series, first edition. I’m asked for the publisher – some people come up with a name for themselves as a self-publisher, but I don’t bother. I could have gone with “Brian Olsen Books” or something, but I don’t think readers really care. If I ever legally incorporate myself in some way, I’ll change it.

Next comes the description – the blurb. I hate writing blurbs, I just don’t have the knack for it, but it’s critically important. (Less so on this book, since not a lot of people are going to be starting with the fourth book in the series, and anybody who’s read the first three isn’t likely to pass on the fourth just because the blurb isn’t great. But still.)

You can use html in the book description, so I italicize the book titles. Some people really jazz this up – that’s on my to-do list, but not for right now. I notice that Alan Lennox‘s book description says that Dakota Bell is coming in 2015, but I don’t change it yet. On KDP, once you make a change it takes time for the changes to go live, and you can’t make any other changes while you’re waiting. Since I’ll be uploading a whole new copy of the book once I have the link to Dakota‘s page, I don’t want to freeze changes on the other books just for that.

Contributors – me! Brian Olsen, Author. (I still love the sound of that.) Language – English. ISBN – blank. This took me a while to figure out – for Alan Lennox and I think Caitlin Ross in some places, I would go back once the paperback was published and put in that ISBN here, but that’s wrong. ISBNs are unique to the edition or format of each book, so the ebook should have its own. But none of the vendors I use require your ebook to have one, so I don’t worry about it.

Verify your publishing rights – this is not a public domain work and I hold the necessary publishing rights. Check!

Next is to choose categories. Oh, the trouble I’ve had with this. Amazon only lets you choose two categories, and I had a hell of a time deciding what categories to use for Alan Lennox. It’s a bit of a mash-up, really. It’s sci-fi, but soft sci-fi, which isn’t a category. It’s really urban science fiction, in the same vein of urban fantasy – but urban sci-fi isn’t a category either. It’s sort of a thriller, although not in the John Grisham kind of way. I ultimately went with Science Fiction/Adventure and Thriller/Technothriller. Technothriller doesn’t feel quite right to me, but Alan Lennox is always on the top 100 free Technothriller list so I don’t want to change it… Since I want to keep the series consistent, I’ve put all the following books into those categories as well, and I do the same for Dakota.

Age Range and US Grade Range (meaning is this for middle schoolers, young adult, etc.) – both blank. My books are for everyone! Or at least I’ll let the parents decide.

Book Release Option – I can either release the book now, or set a future date and start accepting pre-orders. I haven’t tried a pre-order yet – supposedly it helps your rankings by counting all the sales during the pre-order period on the day of release, but I’ve been hearing mixed things. Also, I never have my shit together enough to feel confident enough that I’d be ready to upload by the pre-order date, so I just wait until the book is ready.

Next I upload the cover. I’ve used Damonza.com for the covers to this series, and I’ve been very happy with the results. I did the layouts for the original covers to the first two books myself, but it’s so much nicer to have somebody else figure out all those specifications. All I have to do is upload it and I know it’s just the way Amazon wants it.

Then it’s finally time to upload the book file – the mobi file I created from Scrivener. I do NOT select Digital Rights Management – I’m not too worried about piracy, and even if I were popular enough to be concerned by it, I wouldn’t put DRM on my books. You bought it – do what you want with it.

Kindle does a spell check when you upload – I love that, it’s like having another set of eyes on the book and you can never have too many of those. (“You can never have too many eyes,” said the serial killer.) It even checks names, and it caught a mispelling of Tayisha when I uploaded Caitlin Ross, which is pretty impressive. In this case it’s telling me I spelled Dr. Cheek’s first name, Shermon, wrong, but I purposely used the less common spelling, so I tell it to ignore.

I use the online previewer to see how the book will appear on various Kindle Devices. The Fire HDX is first, and yes, I go through every single page. By this point I’d be surprised if there were any issues, I’ve been over this book so often. I just do a quick look through all the other virtual Kindles, and nothing jumps out at me as an issue.

On to the Rights and Pricing page. I verify that I have worldwide rights for the book. I set my royalty rate to 70%, which means it has to be priced between $2.99 and $9.99. The other option is 35% for books outside those prices. (Or I think you could choose 35% and then set your book within that price range, but I’m not sure why you would do that. Do you hate money or something?) I set my book at $3.99, the same as the others – I chose that by looking at other, comparably-sized books in my genre when I first uploaded Alan Lennox (before it was free), and I’ve kept the price consistent, even though the books have gotten longer and longer each time. Dakota Bell is about one and a half times the length of Alan Lennox, but it doesn’t feel right to bump the price for later books in the same series. (Come on down to Crazy Brian’s! My prices are insaaaaaane!)

I set my foreign prices to be automatically converted to local currency based on the US price. You can alter them individually, if you want to mimic the “ending in 99” convention, but I don’t bother with that. It’s too complicated to keep track of and keep them consistent across vendors. I’ll have my assistant do that. Some day.

I enroll in the Kindle Matchbook program, which offers the ebook at a discount if you buy the paperback. I set the discounted price to 99 cents, although I’m considering going down to free. Very few people buy the paperbacks so it won’t cost me much, but I need to think about it. One thing at a time – I’ll come back to that in the future. I also allow Kindle Book Lending – why not? The more readers, the better.

I take a deep breath, then click “save and publish.” I did that at 4:20pm (hm, how should I celebrate?) on July 3rd. A pop-up tells me to expect it to take twelve hours before it appears in the store, but based on past experience I’m sure it’ll be less than that. And I’m right – the Amazon page for Dakota Bell and the Wastes of Time is live by six.

Now the fun really starts! But I’ll leave off here for now – next time I’ll go into what to do now that I’ve got that precious Amazon link.

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