Make That Sausage: The Last Steps Before Self-Publishing (1)

I’m in the final steps before publication of my fourth book, Dakota Bell and the Wastes of Time. If you’re curious about the nuts and bolts of self-publishing (and why exactly it takes so damn long between the time I trumpet on Facebook that I’ve finished the last draft and the actual time you can get the book), over the next few weeks I’m going to write some posts going through the final stages of the pre-publishing process. (My stages, that is – other writers have their own processes, but this is what works for me.)

Yesterday I finished the fourth draft of the book. The first draft is, obviously, the first time putting everything down on paper, working from a chapter-by-chapter outline I already prepared. (In this case, I wrote the outlines for the second, third and fourth books in this series immediately after I published the first book). My second draft consists of major revisions – during the first draft I don’t go back and make major changes, I just take notes of what to look at later (so if I find halfway through the first draft that I still need a character I killed off earlier, for example, I don’t go back and fix it then and there, I just keep moving forward. He gets un-killed in the second draft). When I finish the second draft, I load it onto the Kindle app on my phone. I read it through while sitting in front of my computer – looking at it in a different format helps me catch typos and errors I missed before. That’s how I create the third draft.

This third draft is then sent to my beta readers – I’ve got five for this book, and they all go far above and beyond what would be expected of a typical beta reader. I don’t hire a professional editor, so my beta readers serve that function. (Most of them are writers or editors in their own right, so they do a pretty great job.) When I get the notes back from them, I go back through the book incorporating the notes I want to keep (which is most of them). This is also the fastest I’ll go through a draft, which is good – it helps me catch plot, continuity, or stylistic problems I might otherwise have missed. (It’s easy to relate a bit of exposition more than once, for example, just because I forgot I already went through it earlier in the book.) (In this book, one of my beta readers pointed out that the main characters are very pleased with themselves in chapter twenty-seven for figuring out a plot point that was flat-out explained to them back in chapter three. Whoopsie!)

So that’s the story so far. I finished the fourth draft yesterday, and today I begin the fifth and final draft, the draft that will actually see publication. Today was basic maintenance – I have a sort of style guide for myself of problematic words and phrases that pop up in my books. Some of them can be spelled in more than one way and I want to be sure I pick one and stick with it, or they’re words that are easy to get wrong so I want to do one final check for them.

Here’s my list:

  • log in, logged in, log out, logged out as a verb; log-in as a noun
  • backup as a noun or adjective; back up as a verb; never back-up
  • online, not on-line
  • workstation, not work station
  • okay, not ok
  • blonde for a woman, blond for a man
  • board of directors, not Board of Directors, unless used formally: “the Amalgamated Synergy Board of Directors,” but “Jack sat on the board of directors.”
  • Wi-Fi, not wifi or Wifi or WiFi
  • Thirty-third Street, not Thirty-Third Street (I have gone back and forth on this one a million times)
  • geez, not jeez
  • email, not e-mail
  • leaped, not leapt
  • make-up, not make up
  • park-goers, not parkgoers or park goers
  • park employee, not parks employee
  • smartphone, not smart phone
  • charcoal-gray, not charcoal gray
  • St. Mark’s Place, not Saint Mark’s Place
  • trapdoor, not trap door

Then there are those characters of my own creation whose names I’m constantly getting wrong:

  • AmSyn, not AmSym
  • Tamsin, not Tasmin
  • Leelee, not Lelee
  • McAuley, not MacAuley

After I’ve done that, I’ve got one final sweep:

  • Convert all double spaces to single spaces. This happens a lot after punctuation. Easy to fix with find and replace.
  • Remove all dangling spaces before or after paragraph marks. This is one place where Scrivener, the program I write in which I otherwise adore, fails me – it can’t find paragraph marks. I have to convert to Word, find them there, then manually delete the spaces in Scrivener.
  • Convert all hyphens being used as dashes into proper dashes. ( – to – )

Then there may be random things I have to fix that can vary per book. When I made invisible characters (like spaces) visible, I saw that in this book for some reason after every chapter number (”Chapter Two”) there was an unnecessary tab. Delete and repeat.

Now, in theory, I have a clean draft with no errors. (Hah! Ah, hah hah. Sorry, I couldn’t keep a straight face there.) The next step will be to make an epub file and load it onto my Kindle app for one last pass through. But I’ll get into all of that next time…

Posted by Brian in Dakota Bell and the Wastes of Time, Self-Publishing, Writing, 0 comments

Flame Con 2015

My con-a-thon come to an end yesterday with the nerd convergence I had been looking forward to most of all: Flame Con, New York City’s first queer comic con. Book Con and Special Edition, although a lot of fun, leaned a little straight, so I was looking forward to cranking up the ‘mo and getting my gay geek on.

The event was in Brooklyn, at the Grand Prospect Hall (“We make your dreams come true!“). I wasn’t flying solo this time, I was joined by my friend and comrade in gay geekery Mike. We got there around noon, just as the event was starting. There was no line to speak of, probably because check-in was very well-staffed – we were in nice and quick.

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Posted by Brian in Comics, Pointless Babblings, 0 comments

Special Edition NYC 2015

I’m in the midst of a con marathon. A conathon, let’s say. Yesterday I attended my second of three cons in three weeks – Special Edition NYC. It’s run by ReedPOP, who also produce New York Comic Con (as well as Book Con, which I went to last week), and it’s sort of a mini-NYCC. It’s a con devoted exclusively to comics, and it’s on a somewhat smaller scale. It wasn’t at the Javits Center this year, but rather at Pier 94. I only decided to go a few days ago, when I saw they still had tickets available. I was getting out of two straight weeks of tech for shows I’ve been directing, and the thought of giving up a restful Saturday was not appealing, but I decided I’d regret it if I let it pass by. I was second-guessing my decision, though, when I arrived and saw the line.

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Posted by Brian in Pointless Babblings, 0 comments

Book Con 2015

I went to Book Con again this year – it was only the second year of the event, but after last year I was a little wary. While I had fun the first time, I found it pretty disorganized, and for events of this size that’s a big problem. The exhibition space had been crammed full of vendors who didn’t seem to know who their audience was (Book Con, which is for readers, overlaps with Book Expo, which is for industry professionals – a lot of the vendors last year didn’t bother differentiating their booths for the distinct audiences), and the line management for the big events was abysmal. The folks at ReedPOP, the producing organization, must have learned their lesson, though, because this year’s con ran much more smoothly.

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Posted by Brian in Pointless Babblings, 0 comments

Ten Thoughts on Cinderella

Cinderella (1950) had a lot riding on it. Walt Disney’s feature film output for most of the later forties consisted primarily of a bunch of package films, made up of shorts that were either considered not meaty enough to support a full-length, or were too expensive in the wake of the financial disasters Disney suffered due to World War II. Cinderella would be their first full-length animated feature since 1942’s Bambi, and rumor was that if it were a flop, the studio would fold. You probably know how that went.

Synopsis: You know this one, right? I’ve done a bunch of really obscure Disney flicks by now that could have really used a synopsis before I started, but I didn’t think of doing one until now, on the story that everyone and their godmother knows. Anyway, here’s the gist of it – Cinderella’s mom croaked and her dad remarried a mean old lady with two mean ugly daughters. When dad dies, Stepmom stops pretending to be nice and she and her kids turn Cinderella into a servant in her own home. One night, a ball is held at the palace and all eligible maidens in the kingdom are commanded to attend. Cinderella is prevented from going by the Steps, but with the help of her Fairy Godmother she gets magically dolled up and makes it to the dance on time. She and Prince Charming hit it off and dance all night, but at the stroke of midnight the spell is broken and Cinderella has to hightail it out  of there, accidentally leaving a glass slipper behind. The Grand Duke sets off in search of the maiden who fits the slipper – surprise, it’s Cinderella! Happily ever after, yadda yadda yadda.

  1. The opening theme croons, “Cinderella, you’re as lovely as your name.” Is it really all that lovely a name, though? Just adding “-ella” to the word cinder? You could add “-ella” to anything and it would sound lovely. Dirtella. Bloodella. Crapella. Vomitella. Oh, Vomitella, you’re as lovely as your name!
  2. Cinderella’s dad is kind of hot. He could have done way, way better on his second marriage. The Wicked Stepmother looks like John Kerry.
  3. Like all pretty, kind-hearted girls, Cinderella can talk to animals. Because why not? Although I think I prefer a reading of this movie where Cindy’s been driven completely insane by her years of isolation and abuse. The mice! The mice made my dress! By the way, did you know that birds can’t control when they poop? If you’ve ever owned a pet bird, you know how utterly disgusting Cinderella’s room should be with all those birds flying around getting into everything. Frankly, mice aren’t too picky about where they drop their bombs either. Forget about sewing them all those cute little jackets and hats, Cinderella – make them some diapers before you get histoplasmosis. (Look it up!)
  4. Stepmother’s room is AMAZING! So purple. Such luxury. Wow. Stepmother’s cat’s name is Lucifer, because the mice are good so the cat has to be evil. Subtlety! Bruno the dog was dreaming of murdering Lucifer and then laughed in his face when Cinderella couldn’t think of a single redeeming quality the cat had.  I kind of feel like any actions Lucifer takes from here on out are justified. I know you’re oppressed, Cinderella, but don’t punch down. And I’m jumping ahead a bit, but while we’re on the subject – Lucifer falls to his death at the end of this movie. I know he’s trying to keep Cinderella from getting out of the locked room and meeting her destiny and all, but he is chased out of a window by the dog and plummets several stories to the cobblestones below. They killed a cat. Everyone’s just okay with this?
  5. I don’t think Drizella’s rendition of “Oh, Sing Sweet Nightingale” is that bad, honestly. I heard worse in summer stock.
  6. If, by royal command, every eligible maiden in the kingdom must attend the ball, shouldn’t there be a whole bunch of servants there? Not to mention farm girls, tavern wenches…prostitutes… How wide a net are we casting, exactly?
  7. I hope Cinderella is just being polite to the birds and mice out of a desire not to hurt their feelings, because that dress they made for her is fucking hideous. It’s a giant novelty birthday-present bow, Mardi Gras beads, and pool noodle shoulder pads draped over a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. The Steps did her a favor when they tore it apart.
  8. The Fairy Godmother scene is the best thing ever. “Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo” is in heavy rotation on my main playlist, and I’m not the slightest bit ashamed of that. Also, the horse-coachman is way hotter than Prince Charming. Just saying. I would have made better use of those couple of hours before midnight. If this pumpkin’s a-rocking…
  9. The Prince is gay, right? It’s not just me? The whole reason the King throws the ball is because his son has never shown any interest in women, always preferring to go off hunting (with the boys). Charming yawns in the faces of every single eligible girl in the kingdom, only showing interest in the one woman who doesn’t want anything to do with him – she doesn’t get in the receiving line with all the other eager beavers, and by midnight she’s already making up an obvious lie to get out of spending more time with him. He knows he’s got to marry somebody, so it might as well be the one woman who probably won’t push for icky sex stuff. Oh! And the whole glass slipper, hunt-through-the-kingdom-for-his-one-true-love thing? All the King’s idea. Charming doesn’t even go, the Grand Duke conducts the search without him. And we only have the Grand Duke’s word that Prince Bland is pining away – we never see it – and the Duke’s been ordered to get the Prince married under threat of death, so he’s pretty motivated to tell King Dad whatever he wants to hear. Also, the Prince is an excellent dancer. And he doesn’t have a single line on his face. Botox! Case closed. I find the defendant gayer than the Country Bear Jamboree.
  10. In the original tale, the Stepsisters aren’t ugly. Making them hideous might get a cheap laugh, but it’s a pretty terrible message for Disney to send. Unattractive girls are bullies, and they deserve to be alone and unhappy. Poor, abused beautiful girls! Just keep being pretty and you’ll get your happy ending! Once everyone sees how lovely you are, you’ll marry the prince and you’ll be popular and the rightful order of things will be restored. Oh, also, the boy mice all have different appearances and personalities, but the girl mice are identical except for the colors of their dresses. Okay, I’ll stop with the social commentary. Wait, one more. If Cinderella looked like her Stepsisters, would anybody give a shit? Although, even if she started out that way, the Fairy Godmother would give her magic plastic surgery or something. There’s no way this story gets told where Cinderella isn’t conventionally beautiful at the end, and rewarded for it. All right, that’s enough of that. There’s a lot of messed-up stuff to unpack in this movie, but of course none of it takes away from the fact that Cinderella is fantastic. Sure, Cinderella has no agency whatsoever…crap, I’m doing it again. It’s gorgeous, it’s funny, it’s clever, the songs are beautiful, and even if none of that were true, the brief scene with the Fairy Godmother would be worth everything else. Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!

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Posted by Brian in Pointless Babblings, Ten Thoughts, 0 comments