The Star Wars universe has television. According to Wookieepedia it’s called “HoloNet,” but I haven’t heard that word yet. I’m trying to take things as they come in this watch-through, and so far it looks like TV to me.

We already knew there was television from (shudder) The Star Wars Holiday Special. I don’t mean the programs that are stored on portable drives and played back on special devices, although those offer a wide range of entertainment options, from boring off-brand Cirque du Soleil to boring black light rock concerts to boring Wookiee porn. No, I mean the boring cooking show that Chewie’s wife Malla watches, in which Harvey Korman says words that are almost, but not quite, jokes. Malla tunes in to this program at a set time, and she can’t pause it or rewind it. Watch it, or miss it forever. She views it on a device that looks and works just like the televisions that the humans of 1978 would have been using to watch (shudder) The Star Wars Holiday Special.

Or the humans of 1985 would have been using to watch Droids, for that matter. In the third episode, “The Trigon Unleashed,” lots of plot stuff happens – they destroy the gangster family’s base, it’s really quite good – but what I found most interesting was that we get a glimpse of what C-3P0 calls R2-D2’s favorite program. C-3P0 has strapped an antenna to his head and gone up to the roof in an attempt to tune into the right channel, just like we used to have to do with pre-cable, pre-streaming, over-the-air TV. (We didn’t strap the antennas onto our heads, we just had to go onto the roof sometimes. Ask your parents grandparents.) Apparently R2 likes Westerns, because the show is about an astromech droid wearing a white cowboy hat and a sheriff’s badge fighting an astromech droid wearing a black cowboy hat. They throw rocks at each other. Later, one of the gangsters watches the same show, and a scene shows the white-hatted droid and another in a feathered headdress smoking peace pipes. (Don’t act surprised, we already knew droids could smoke.)

It’s just a throw-away gag, even if it’s a pretty good one. (Nevertheless, it’s canon, and I’d like to see the Empire-era HoloNet droid Western entertainment industry explored in a ten-part Disney+ series, please and thank you.) But the trappings of how the show is watched are what fascinates me, and shows us one of the limits of science fiction, or at least of some science fiction writers. Sci-fi tech is, mostly, the extrapolation of future technology (or long, long ago technology, in this case), and of course the writers only have the technology of today to extrapolate from. In the original trilogy, Lucas and the other filmmakers did an excellent job of bringing a timeless quality to the futuristic technology, partly by avoiding doing too much of that extrapolating I just mentioned. The people of Star Wars, despite the lasers and robots and hyperdrives, seem to live with even fewer technological conveniences than the people of 1977 did, and what they do have, we mostly don’t see. Aunt Beru’s kitchen was pretty cool, but we didn’t get a good look at what any of that stuff actually did.

As a result, the technology of the original trilogy doesn’t feel dated even decades later. Watch Rogue One (I’m getting ahead of myself, sorry) and see how closely the design hews to the first film, and how the only aspect of it that feels “retro” is some of the clothing. Compare that with the new Star Trek shows, and how much they had to modernize the Enterprise bridge from the original series to Strange New Worlds. (It’s a slightly unfair comparison, given the differing scale of budgets involved, but I think my overall point holds up.)

In Droids and (shudder) The Star Wars Holiday Special, the stakes are a lot lower than in a serious motion picture. These are kids’ cartoons and a family “comedy,” respectively, so, sure, throw a TV in for the sake of a joke. But, as I said, the writers are limited by what their imaginations can project from the technology of today, and in this case, their imaginations couldn’t see beyond television as they used it at the time. TV of the long, long ago future would work pretty much the same, but with a weirder antenna. Forget flatscreens or streaming. It was easier to imagine spaceships and aliens than the technological leaps forward that would happen in real life, within just a couple of years. Because of that, Droids, despite its unlimited scenic budget, feels far more dated than the older films.

It’s still a kick-ass cartoon, though.

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There’s an odd tonal difference between the Ewoks’ two primary antagonists. The Duloks are all, “We’re going to play pranks on those dumb Ewoks,” whereas Morag the witch is all, “I will extinguish the verminous Ewok race by means both foul and bloody.” (I’m paraphrasing.)

I understand the Duloks’ motivations, mostly. Their lives are horrible – they live in a swamp, they’re stupid, they’re covered in bugs all the time. The Ewoks look like they’ve got it all going on, and the Duloks are jealous. It’s pretty standard cartoon fair. They’re threatening but not too threatening. When Wicket and his buddies are captured by the Duloks in this episode, we know it’s bad, but we also know they’re not going to be slaughtered. A ransom and maybe some light humiliation are all the Duloks are after.

It’s equally obvious what Morag wants – Ewok genocide, she’s very clear and persistent about it – but less obvious why she wants it. Apart from a throwaway line in the first episode hinting at some past encounter with one of the Ewok elders, we’ve gotten no reason so far as to why she hates the cute little teddy bears. She doesn’t want to eat them, like Gargamel does the Smurfs. She’s not searching for greater power, like Skeletor fighting He-Man for control of Castle Grayskull. She just wants all the Ewoks dead.

There’s a lot of continuity in this seemingly simple cartoon – seriously, they’re still introducing new major characters – so maybe this hasn’t been ignored, maybe Morag’s motivation is being held back for a later climactic reveal. I hope so. She’s supposed to be the big scary evil, but without knowing why she’s doing what she’s doing, it’s a little hard to get invested. Whenever she pops up, it’s less, “Oh no, Morag!” and more, “Oh, it’s her again.”

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Much to my surprise, Droids is a legitimately good show. I don’t mean “good for a 1980s kids’ cartoon,” I mean, “I’m enjoying watching this, and look forward to the next episode.” The Nelvana house animation style is in top form – C-3P0 and R2-D2 are animated expressively while remaining within the parameters of their classic designs. Anthony Daniels is having a ball doing 3P0’s voice, and making the most out of being given more to do than he did in the films, which was rarely more than act scared and/or bitchy. The ongoing storyline is interesting and there are even ties to the movies, as in this episode the Droids get pulled into the Rebel alliance for what seems to be the first time.

It’s even touching on a topic mostly ignored by the movies so far – droids’ rights. There are two bad guys, gangster boss Sise Fromm and his son Tig, whom Sise mostly despises and constantly threatens to murder for his incompetence. (They don’t use the word ‘murder,’ because, you know, kids’ cartoon, but the implications are clear.) Tig is presented as the lesser of the two evils, and he’s fiercely pro-droids, whereas dad Sise hates them. The attitude of Sise’s faction – usually represented by various minor characters bullying our two heroes for being droids – is shown as discriminatory and wrong.

Of course, that’s not all that surprising – the show is called Droids, after all, so 3P0 and R2 are obviously going to be presented sympathetically. But then, upon arriving on a new planet, our main cast are asked to wait in line to register their arrival. The humans… wait, are humans in the Star Wars universe called ‘humans,’ or something else? I’m not looking that up. The humans and the droids have to wait in separate lines, and C-3P0 calls it out as discrimination. It’s a quick moment, kind of a throw away line, but it isn’t played as a joke. I doubt the writer really thought much of it, but it’s interesting that the concept of discrimination against droids exists at all, and that 3P0, a pretty servile guy most of the time, is aware of it, and capable of feeling its sting.

Luckily, while the concept of droid free will is a little uncomfortable to think too hard about in relation to the movies, in the context of Droids, you can contemplate it guilt-free: C-3P0 calls Thall Joben his “master,” but he and R2 chose to tag along with him in the first episode. Nobody bought anybody and there aren’t any restraining bolts; the droids got rescued from the desert by Thall and his boyfriend-in-my-head-canon Jord, liked them, and stuck around. They’re part of the team, not possessions. Honestly, being sold to Luke probably felt like a bit of a step-down…

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There’s a surprising amount of lore to keep track of in the Ewoks cartoon, especially considering I’m only on the second episode.

First are the Ewoks themselves, none of whose names I can remember yet except for Wicket’s, even though there are an awful lot of them whose names I am expected to remember. There’s Wicket’s dad and his two brothers. (Pretty sure Wicket had a mom and some sisters in Caravan of Courage, but I’m not sure if we’ve seen them yet.) There’s an old wizard Ewok, a busybody auntie, and some other named adults who I may or may not be confusing with Wicket’s father and brothers. There’s a girl Ewok who is Wicket’s best friend, and her dad who is also the chief. Wicket’s got a couple other male friends around his age, and one of them has a little sister who is a Wokling, which is a very young Ewok – although there’s some ritual where they get their hood, which makes them full members of the tribe, and the little sister got hers in the first episode so maybe she’s not a Wokling anymore. Still a little hazy on Ewok rituals of passage.

Every Ewok has a Soul Tree, which is very important for reasons I’m unclear on but I assume there’s a clue in the name. The Ewoks also protect sunberry trees, because if the Ewoks don’t eat sunberries regularly they get sick. Unclear if this is for nutritional, magical, or withdrawal reasons.

The wizard Ewok has a magic top that can see the future, or possibly just threats, or more likely whatever the writer of that episode needs him to see. This wizard Ewok also makes stuff, like the fire-resistant foam in the last episode or soap that makes you invisible in this one. (Seems like that soap would have been pretty useful in Return of the Jedi, but maybe they didn’t want to waste it on humans.)

Other residents of the forest include the Wisties, also called the firefolk. They’re friendly little flying glowing fairy/insect things ruled by a queen. They first appeared in Caravan of Courage where a whole swarm of them immolated themselves in a candle for no apparent reason. I forgot to mention it in that post, but it was really weird that none of the main characters were bothered by this. I thought it was setting something up for later where they’d fly back out of the candle and save the day, but no, I guess they all died. Although some must have survived because they’re in this cartoon.

Also in the forest are the Duloks, who look sort of like the Grinch’s primitive ancestors. They are enemies of the Ewoks, although their motivations are a little vague. Their first priority is getting rid of the flies that constantly surround them; second to that, they like to scare the Ewoks and take their stuff, but they don’t seem to want to actually harm them. There are several named Duloks I’m supposed to remember, but they all look even more alike than the Ewoks so that’s not happening. There’s the chief, the chief’s girlfriend, the shaman, and a couple of stooges, one with a big X on his chest and one with a big O, which only accentuates the Seussian similarities. Oh, and the Duloks call themselves the Ewoks’ cousins, so I guess they’re related somehow? Maybe the residents of Endor have a more sophisticated understanding of evolution than we’d expect.

The Ewoks’ main enemy is Morag, the Tulgah witch. I do not know what a Tulgah is, nor do I know what species Morag is. She looks a bit like a Dulok but from the way they interacted in the first episode I don’t think she is one. Maybe she’s another cousin. She hates the Ewoks and frequently tries to destroy them with overly complicated plans. Oh, and she has some mysterious past with the wizard Ewok. Or maybe the chief? She used his name but I don’t remember the names yet. Could have been Wicket’s dad. Could have been me, I don’t know. This is such a complicated kids’ cartoon I wouldn’t be half surprised.

Oh, we do get one bit of continuity explained in this episode. One of the Duloks refers to their home as Endor, meaning it is, in fact, the moon that’s named Endor, not the planet it orbits. That’s been bugging me so I’m glad they cleared that up.

I’m poking fun at the amount of material you’re expected to absorb to follow this Saturday morning children’s program, but honestly, child me would have eaten this up. I’d have been diagramming Ewok family trees on the back of my homework. In fact… let’s see… Wicket’s dad is Deej, his oldest brother is Weechee… or is Willy older?

Hold on, I gotta make a spreadsheet…

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