Spinning characters off from a franchise in which they play supporting roles into a new vehicle in which they are the leads is tricky, to say the least. C-3PO and R2-D2 are heroes in Star Wars, but they are not THE heroes OF Star Wars, if you see the distinction. While they both certainly have moments where they contribute towards saving the day, imagine just about any dramatic scene with Luke, Leia or Han swapped out for one of the two droids and you’ll see the problem. They’re not the leads; that’s not their function in the story.

But in Droids, of course, they ARE the leads. Sure, there’s a rotating cast of characters who appear to fill the void left by our original human heroes, but 3PO and R2 are the titular stars, and every episode requires them to be at the center of its action and the cause of its resolution.

Despite being the less human of the two, R2’s preexisting characterization slots into this role a bit easier than 3PO’s. R2 was the brave little droid crossing the desert alone to deliver his message and save the princess. 3PO was just along for the ride, complaining all the way. Unfortunately, 3PO necessarily is going to have to carry more of the story because he’s the one who can, you know, talk. You can’t hire Anthony Daniels for your cartoon and then give more dialogue to the beeping booping sound effects machine.

I have a hypothesis that in making slight adjustments to the droids’ narrative functions, Nelvana, the show’s producers, looked to another of their cartoons for inspiration. R2-D2 is, basically, Inspector Gadget. Bear with me.

In this episode, the droids and their friends Jann Tosh and Jessica Meade (god I still love that name – she’s a Star Wars character with a name like someone who works in your office’s finance department) face off against the evil pirate Kybo Ren (no relation). In pursuit of this goal, R2-D2 reveals that hidden in his body are the following: his spinny connector thing with which he can hack any computer; a massive inflatable air cushion to catch clumsy partners falling from great heights; an oxygen mask with internal oxygen supply; a welding torch that somehow works underwater; a propellor on his head that allows him to move through the ocean at incredible speed; and a couple of bath toys in the shape of animals. And that’s just in this episode – across the series he whips out innumerable useful devices never seen before or since.

Unlike the good Inspector, though, R2’s gadgets always work. Which is where my hypothesis breaks down a little, because if he’s Gadget, then C-3PO should really be Penny, Gadget’s niece, who was always the one to really figure out what was going on. But making the pompous golden windbag the brains of their partnership is just a step too far away from his character. So instead R2 gets that role too – he’s Gadget, Penny, and Brain the dog too, all wrapped up in one trash can shaped package.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t leave C-3PO with much to do besides his usual schtick: taunting R2, messing up, and being afraid. He gets to help resolve the central conflict in a couple of episodes, don’t get me wrong; but there are also plenty of episodes like this one, in which he does nothing productive of note, and events probably would have proceeded a lot smoother if he weren’t there. If R2 hadn’t been there, contrariwise, Jann and Jessica would both be dead.

I don’t know the solution. Making C-3PO the Gadget would have helped, but that’s almost as big a stretch as making him the Penny. He’s a protocol droid; having a propellor pop out of his head is a little off-brand. More stories in which his actual skills – translation and diplomacy – proved crucial to the plot was probably the way to go. Whether that’s exciting enough for a Saturday morning kids’ cartoon, I don’t know.

Oh, well. It’s still a fun show, hero’s journey be damned. Go go R2 jet ski!

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Next: Ewoks S1E8 – “The Land of the Gupins” (1985)

The Jindas are back! The Jindas are Endor’s band of traveling performers, and after their first appearance I had a few choice things to say about how the show presented the life of an artist as, ultimately, a wasteful one, leaving Saturday morning viewers with important lessons about obeying authority and prioritizing work over art. This episode… things get worse.

But first, some insight into Endor’s economy. A non-Ewok merchant, Mooth, owns a general store where the Ewoks take surplus goods to trade. It seems as if they have a barter system that’s in the midst of transitioning to currency-based, as Wicket has something called “monmon seeds” that have a value purely in their trading power rather than in any intrinsic use. (They might as well have just called them “money seeds”.) So don’t worry, American children, the primitive Ewoks will enjoy the fruits of capitalism soon. Be patient!

On the way to Mooth’s store, the Ewoks met the Jindas, who were lazing by a waterfall and invited the Ewoks to join them. The Ewoks told them they might, but only on the way back, reinforcing the artists’ reputation as lazy loafers and repeating the lesson from their previous episode that work comes first, then fun, if there’s time. (Okay, fine, it was probably more important for the Ewoks to gather supplies for the coming winter than to go to the beach. My point still stands.)

On the way back from Mooth’s, the Ewoks get captured by a tribe of plot-points, who imprison them for no apparent reason besides moving the story along. The Jindas show up and rescue our heroes, risking their own lives in the process. At this point, you might be thinking the show doesn’t have such a bad opinion of artists after all.

But then, we learn the tragic origins of the Jindas, and the nature of the curse that plagues them. They used to live happily as feudal vassals (my words, not theirs, but the description is accurate) to a Rock Wizard. They weren’t artists at all – they were farmers, working the Rock Wizard’s land and giving him a portion of their yields in return. One day the Rock Wizard suffered a great pain and blamed the Jindas, so he drove them from the land and cursed them – whenever they stayed in place for too long, giant rocks would chase them until they got on the move again.

The Jindas became great artists not because they wanted to, but because it was the only way they could find to support themselves under this curse of itinerancy. The day is saved by the Ewoks’ burgeoning economic system – the pretty stone that Wicket bought with his monmon seeds turns out to be the Rock Wizard’s lost tooth. With his pain gone, the Wizard frees the Jindas from his curse. They are free to return to their previous lives as serfs, working his land in return for his protection.

And the Jindas all cheer. The end.

The moral, children, is that nobody wants to be a full-time artist. All good-hearted people would naturally do something more productive, if they had a choice. Art’s a hobby. Growing food for your vassal lords, that’s a life.

It is, to say the least, an odd subtext for a cartoon created by, presumably, artists, but that’s corporate entertainment for you. Now get back to work! Those monmon seeds aren’t going to polish themselves!

Previous: Droids S1E6 – “The New King” (1985)
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Sometimes thinking too hard about a Saturday morning cartoon’s plot logic can take all the fun out of it.

“The New King,” the sixth episode of Droids, is non-stop action and has some good gags. Nelvana’s animation is as imaginative as ever. There’s plenty of 3P0 and R2’s signature bickering before they work together to save the day. In fine Star Wars tradition, there are characters with silly names like Putch Gundarian and Gir Kybo Ren-Cha alongside one whose name is Jessica Meade. There’s even yet another guest appearance by a character from the movies, IG-88, the bounty hunting droid. What’s not to love?

But I’m not just watching this show; I’m watching it while knowing I’m going to have to write about it. And that means I have to think about it. Possibly overthink about it. And I can’t stop seeing the darker implications amidst the fun.

For example, the action takes place on the planet Tammuz-un, where Vizier Ko Zatec-Cha is plotting to steal the throne from the rightful heir, Mon Julpa. Which he will do by placing the royal scepter on top of a palace tower at sunrise on the day of the equinox – by law, whoever does this becomes king.

Does this… seem like a good way to provide continuity of government? By the end of the episode, all of the good guys and bad guys are fighting right in front of where the scepter needs to be placed, tossing the symbol of power back and forth between them, until Mon Julpa, almost by pure chance, has it in hand at the right moment. Anyone could have become king. One of the Vizier’s cronies. R2. Jessica Meade.

In the end, Mon Julpa becomes king because he and his supporters beat the Vizier and his supporters in a physical contest. They’re stronger and faster, not necessarily smarter. (In fact, this episode has quite a few instances of the main characters acting stupid so that the plot doesn’t resolve too quickly, making it hard to argue that they’re smarter than the bad guys.) It’s presented as a happy ending, but is it?

As far as we know, isn’t that essentially the same as how Emperor Palpatine ruled, by right of might? (What’s that you say? Political maneuverings in the Galactic Senate? What are you talking about? Prequels? What prequels? It’s 1985!) And Darth Vader overthrows him – or throws him over, if we’re being literal – paving the way for a new government, simply by being stronger. Mon Julpa seems like a good guy, but is his rule any more legitimate than Palpatine’s?

Okay, fine, I’m overthinking it. Jessica Meade! Hah! That’s just a normal woman’s name!

Previous: Ewoks S1E6 – “The Tree of Light” (1985)
Next: Ewoks S1E7 – “The Curse of the Jindas” (1985)

I confess, at only six episodes in, I’m running out of meaningful things to say about the Ewoks cartoon. They keep adding new characters – at least, I think they do. I can’t tell all these hooded teddy bears apart. (Have we met Paploo before? Are we supposed to know who he is? Was his rivalry with Weechee previously established? Thank the Force for Wookieepedia.)

They also keep adding to the lore. Ewoks have a lot more responsibilities than Return of the Jedi led us to believe. In this episode we learn about the Tree of Light, which keeps the weather nice but more importantly keeps the evil Night Spirit from ruling the daytime. Once a year the tree starts to die and a group of Ewok men have to make the dangerous journey to the tree to sprinkle it with Life Dust to renew it.

Wicket wants to go on the quest, but he can’t because he’s too young. Kneesaa wants to go too, but she can’t because she’s a girl. So of course they sneak out of the village and follow anyway, inevitably saving the day, and the tree, from the evil Duloks. The episode’s message seems to be that they should have been allowed to go all along, and in Kneesaa’s case, yes, absolutely, let’s bring gender equality to Endor. I feel like Wicket’s on shakier ground – I don’t know that “children shouldn’t be allowed to go on life-threatening adventures” is a particularly unreasonable law.

I don’t intend for these posts to be just reviews, but sometimes there’s not much else to say about an episode but “it was good” or “it was bad.” It’s an 80s kids cartoon, not every episode’s going to shed light on the insidious dangers of capitalistic indoctrination, you know? So “The Tree of Light” is a decent episode, about as good as Ewoks gets (so far). There’s a quest – that’s always fun. There’s some great animation and inspired ideas – a vast chasm that can only be crossed by piloting floating trees as if they’re ships. And there’s a nice moral lesson – girls can do whatever boys can! And kids can do important things too (to spin Wicket’s contribution a little more positively)! Can you ask for more than that?

Yes. You can ask for way more than that. But this is the Ewoks cartoon, and you’re not going to get it. Let’s get back to Droids!

Previous: Droids S1E5 – “The Lost Prince” (1985)
Next: Droids S1E6 – “The New King” (1985)